Breakthrough, like only You can do

Alright.... time to take away the fear of walking this road... It's horrible walking in the dark and not knowing the reason for it, but with knowledge, comes power. And i'm glad that i continued walking even though i didn't know what it was for.

It's really terror by night, and arrows by day. Only when God led me to that verse did i finally understand, i'm under attack! Haha.. ohh.. so that's what all that was about huh.. But really, when night falls, faith really starts getting leeched out. And i catch myself wondering, hey.. why am i suddenly feeling like this, thinking these thoughts? And in the mornings, i wake up feeling totally sucked dry, and back to those secondary school days of hating life. But i just get on my bike and force myself to pray, force myself to recite verses. By the time i hit the MRT, i'm feeling okay and hopeful for the day. And the cycle starts again.

But now i know that i know that i'm not walking out of alignment with God. I'm fine as long as i know i'm where He wants me to be. That's the confusing thing huh? I used to think that as long as i'm in the valley, feeling all negative and insecure, that i must have left the path somehow. But i'm thankful, so so thankful for Joanne! Last night after feeling especially horrible, i came home after supper to her. And i know that God uses her to enourage me, and it's really such a great assurance that thank you God! you send people like her to uplift me even if she didn't know how i was feeling, to give me exactly what i really needed then :] Lots of hugs and just company, to talk to and most importantly, to talk about God and share the same understanding that yeah.. we're in the right place!

And i'm thankful for my parents. They have no idea how important their little gestures are to me. Haha.. like i woke up this morning not wanting to climb out of bed, but my mom had put a cd on and as i listened to the lyrics of the songs, i woke up praying and really being broken before God again. And now i know that yeah... God's dealing with me and (as he reminded me) that's what i wanted and expected when i started on this vow. I finally understand what it means, when you sacrifice your life to God, He is really more than willing to come in and really deal with you. I'm just thankful that He's a loving and merciful potter.