This is a time of trusting and resting in Him. To go back to the basics. Slow down, take joy in the little things and learn to thank Him for everything. Despite everything i feel, deep inside me somewhere i know that one day when i look back, i will be grateful for this because i know i need to get through this.

Went to watch warlords. And something Joanne said to Aileen afterwards really struck me - she asked her whether she was still excited about fighting in the last days after watching the movie. And i know God asked me then, whether when all the excitement, idealism and passionate promises were said and done, would i still hold on to them when the time comes? It's not just something in my imagination anymore, but when the real storm hits, suddenly like Peter who went out to Jesus on the water, i find myself sinking and saying : I DON'T WANT THIS! Things are so much uglier and harder than the original picture was in my head. But it's really time to decide - this is a place to stop, build an altar and climb on. Despite the storm around, hang onto that knowledge in your heart, focus on God. This is what i'll keep confessing everyday. Somewhere inside me, i know i have the strength of will to keep standing. Please keep me in prayer, i covet your prayers!

Beholding Your beauty is all that i long for
To worship You Jesus, is my sole desire
For this very heart,
You have shaped for Your pleasure.
Purposed to lift Your Name higher.
Here in surrender, in pure adoration, i enter Your courts
With an offering of praise, i am Your servant
Come to bring You flory, as is fit for the work of Your hands

The Lord of lords
Spirit now living
and dwelling within me
Keep my eyes fized ever on Jesus' face
Let not the things of this world every sway me
I'll run till i finish the race