He whom God sets free is free indeed

I really thank God because really, nothing of what you're experiencing is ever going to be wasted. God may allow you to go through stuff, but He's not going to let one drop of sweat be wasted because it is precious in His sight!

SOT has really been awesome because most importantly, I'm being challenged in my mindset through the subtlest things from having to wake up at 5am everyday to go to school early and pray, to overcoming your flesh and press into God's presence, and keep fanning that hunger to want more even though sometimes you just get pretty tired from the effort (just imagine yourself doing the thankless task of fanning the charcoals at BBQs!). But it's also the pastors who are so excited everyday to come and teach at SOT. One of the greatest things they've done is to place a vision upon us that's so great and unbelievable (according to Aileen) and amazing at the same time because all of us were thinking: "Is he talking about us??"

Almost everyday, the pastors keep telling us that we're all here to rise up and be leaders, cellgroup leaders, shepherds and people of the greater works! I admit, the first time I heard that, I thought to myself: "That's not what I signed up for!" and then having initially come to SOT to just want to know more about God and increase my Bible knowledge, i realised i've fallen for God's trap!

Anyway, the point is that I've been challenged to be a stronger person especially in my emotional and spiritual capacity. From the start since I came to church, I still remember that one of the first things that my leader prophesied over me was that God wanted to sanctify my emotions. So it's always been lots of rounds of struggling, winning and losing ground in this area. It's super important in ministry, I've always gotten frustrated with myself because I always seem to be so easily discouraged. Imagine a POW who's so skinny and weak and malnourished, it doesn't take much to push him over. In fact, most of the time he'll just fall over on his own and not be able to get up. Likewise, these symptoms of physical weakness are the same when you're emotionally, mentally or spiritually weak.

Matthew 4:14, 16 says:

The sower sows the word. These likewise are the ones sown on stony ground who, when they hear the word, immediately receive it with gladness; and they have no root in themselves, and so endure only for a time.

How do you have root in yourself? What does it take for you to be happy with yourself?

Watching documentaries on wildlife conservation, you'll always see conservationists bringing the captive animals in their cages and releasing them back into the wild. But sometimes, there'll be the odd animal who, when the cage door opens, is too scared to venture out. Instead, the greater the efforts to shake it out of the cage, the greater hold it takes to stay inside. At times, it only takes a second for realisation to sink in that it's free! But i remember watching this episode on The Jeff Corwin Experience, where they filmed this animal for almost 2 hours who refused to come out of it's cage until it was coaxed out by food. And only when it saw what was outside, did it finally release itself from self-confinement.

Likewise, when I was asking myself those questions, i realised that it's no longer circumstances or people or the past that are to blame for keeping us in that prison. The doors have been open long ago, and by choosing not to walk out of those doors and building our identities on our pasts, we've become our own jailer and torturer - starving ourselves of proper nourishment and being totally unloving to ourselves.

When we sing: We love because You [God] first loved us - this doesn't just refer to others, but yourself as well. Self-judgment is needed to keep yourself walking on the right path, but you've got to have self-judgment and mercy to be healthy! Turn away from that self-condemnation and release yourself to be free to receive love and in turn, give love. Walk out of that door!