On relationships...

Finally finished listening to "Choosing the Right Partner" :] Haha.. and we still have the series on "Making Marriage Work" to listen to! I was really convicted about alot of things, and listening to the sermons is like holding a mirror and really measuring yourself.

After listening and thinking about it for quite some time, I just wanna say that it's alright to take time to grow and prepare yourself before you get into a relationship. One truth that's really assuring is that we don't need to rush and feel anxious because of this biological time-clock factor (which in actuality doesn't really matter as much as we think it does). It would not be wise to sacrifice a healthy, stable marriage for children. And it's not a case of only having one and not the other, you can have a healthy marriage and children if you give yourself the time you need (if you need it).

It's healthy for us to take time because you're respecting yourself and giving yourself space to grow. I realise especially for myself, that during this time of emotional unavailability, it's also a time where I'm going to change alot. So if you're in a state of flux, where many of your convictions and ideas are still forming, it's okay to relax and take time for this process to happen. Don't shortchange yourself and get distracted! In psychology, there's this idea of "moratorium". Long and complicated words aside, it's basically a theory about how crisis and decisions we make determine what level of confidence we have in the direction our lives are taking.

Level 1: No self-made decisions or crises faced, so you'll just flow with anything. Eg. Just following the plans that your parents have made for your whole life.

Level 2: Decisions are made, but no crises are faced yet to test these decisions. As a result, idealism is usually a key component in the person at this stage.

Level 3: Crises faced, but no decisions made yet.

Level 4: Decisions made, crises faced, and decisions become convictions.

*My own interpretation of this theory, jargons aside, haha..

For me, I want to come to level 4 regarding major issues in my own life so that I can qualify myself for a relationship. Like Pastor put so nicely today, when we "take root" in ourselves and have a deep security in who we're made to be, and what our convictions are, we'll be able to withstand hard stuff in life, like those that will arise when one enters into a relationship.

Of course, this is also a personal decision and standard that everyone has to think through for themselves. So just sharing some of my thoughts, this isn't the formula for success in relationships, but my own conviction and 300+ words review of the sermon series :]

Even as Pastor preached about marriage and stuff, I realised that just as there are many people who've entered into a season of searching, there are also many people who've decided to come into greater consecration to God. Whatever the case, just wanna share what Bobby encouraged me, Joanne, Sheila and Aileen years ago : Stay pure in your love for God, in your motives and conscience! :]