Thoughts

Lately, the news has been flooded with the Virginia Tech Massacre and it's just saddening when you read about who the gunman really is. Behind the number of ppl he killed is this person who's been sending out signals that all's not right in his world.
Yet, it really reminds me of the struggle of helping people. Cho has been to counsellors and psychiatrists, yet none of them helped simply because he was sent and encouraged to go, and not because he himself felt that he needed help. That's the difference and the heartache of psychologists and social workers i think. It really depends on the individual in the end to decide the direction of his or her own life. What struck me about Cho was his words: "You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option." The lack of responsibility for his own life's decisions is kinda obvious, yet this side of people only surfaces during the worst moments. In every circumstance, there're always options. You can always choose happiness or sadness, life or death. The circumstance doesn't need to be the deciding factor - bad circumstances doesn't warrant an automatic bad response.
Was thinking today about what Mic wrote in her blog about friends. Is it true that we choose our friends based on how they make us feel? i think it's doubtless that it's true at least at the beginning. Yet there're so many times in church especially when ppl don't make me feel good at all. That's when the Holy Spirit spoke to me, lol. The church and the cellgroup ppl aren't your friends, they're your family. Like in all families, we love one another deeply, but often times, we do not have alot in common, neither do we sometimes like one another; most times, we bring out each other's bad sides!
Joanne always has this example: Like the 5 stones in the river that David picked to use in his battle against Goliath, they have been smoothened from the water and by rubbing against one another. A few nights ago, we were walking home together and i was reflecting on how is it that despite knowing for example Mic's weaknesses and everything, i can still love her and accept her, and not feel resentful whenever she commits that one thing she has a weakness in? And Joanne said: "Because we all had a hand in molding each other to the people we are today." :] That's why i choose to stay and lay my life down for these people who first laid their lives down for me, because even if we don't share the same interests, we have one common interest - God's vision and will for the world. Even though there are many many hard and uncomfortable times that sometimes overshadow the occasional good times, yet it's because of this and the fact that we stick together as a fellowship that causes us to have the greatest growth. And i know that as we continue together in love, good times are bound to increase :]
I was reminiscing on how i used to whine about why my discipler(s) or fellow cellgroup members didn't have time for me, to talk to me (and it seems like they only show up during the bad times). Being naturally introverted, i would often watch from the sidelines and wish for the same kind of deep relationship that other cellgroup members seem to share with one another. But i remember i think it was last year, a pastor, i don't know if it was Pastor Ulf, but God spoke to me during service: "The difference between an OM and an MM is that MMs go to their disciplers. What is the point if you love and not show it?" Truly, love = action and commitment, not emotions. Love is pointless, useless and dead if we just do it quietly whilst the person whom we feel it for doesn't feel any benefits or effects of our love.
Since i loved writing when i was young till my mid-teens, i always lived in my imagination and fantasy. Those ideal worlds i lived in always caused great disillusionment when i wake up to reality. But now, i'm so glad that i've woken up to God's love for me. There's no point denying that the world exists, and all the pain etc that comes with it. Truly conquering the world through Jesus is stepping into Him. You in Him and He in you. I just want to be where He is and to be IN His will, everything else really loses color and temptation when you face up to the fact that you cannot live without God.
I remember a story of James Dobson's father who had a close walk with God. But he chose to become an artist instead of going into the ministry where he knew God wanted him to go. And the next night, he was praying with his wife when his wife looked at him and said: "Do you feel that something's different?" His father could feel it too, the presence of God had left his life and he didn't feel it for 7 whole years because of his disobedience. I'm praying that it'll never ever happen to me, after Benny Hinn's conference and experiencing God's power and gaining a new revelation of His character, backsliding or living a life as if He isn't watching just has greater seriousness now. Have to practice the spiritual discipline of REMEMBRANCE, remembering those milestones and encounters with God to keep your focus on the narrow path so your feet won't falter and your heart won't grow cold.